I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
