I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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