I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I smell like Dick and happiness
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
