do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
