Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
