i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
