You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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