I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
