even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
