Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
