Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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