I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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