You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
