Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
