Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
