Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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