I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
