This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
