my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
