"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Randomize
