my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
