He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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