I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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