he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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