He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
