The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
