I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
