Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
