you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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