Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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