I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
