it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
