dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
