your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
