smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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