I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
