She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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