dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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