Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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