if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
