Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
