If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
