Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
