Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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