Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
