just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
