i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
