Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
