i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
