Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
