I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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