I think my vagina is haunted
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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