ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is Oprah even human
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
